The Secret to a Happy Marriage

The secret to a happy marriage is an age old question most of us would love the answer to. Why is it that some marriages last the distance and others drift apart? This question led me to explore, what really does keep married couples together through the years?

Most of the weddings I perform it’s not unusual for the mother or father of the bride or groom, or the grandparents to come up to me after the ceremony to have a chat. The one question I always ask the parents or grand parents that are still married is, ‘what is the one thing would you say that has kept you together through the years?’

…their replies are always quite similar:

  • Respect
  • Trust
  • Allowing the other person to do as they please, i.e. not controlling the other person
  • Sense of humour
  • Are able to work through the issues that surface from time to time

My parents have been married for 44 years and still going strong! In this day and age it is rare and I see it as quite an achievement. I decided to ask my mum and dad separately their top 5 things;

Mum
1. Respect for each other
2. Friendship
3. Unconditional love
4. Mutual love of our children
5. Sense of humour

Dad
1. Number one has to be love!
2. Not living in each other’s pocket
3. Letting the other person go and trusting them to do what they want to do and encourage it
4. Respect
5. Humour

After receiving both of their top 5  it has been like a kind of gift – it has made me stop and think about my marriage to my gorgeous Michael.

I wish both sets of my grand parents were still alive as both were happily married until they passed. I would loved to have asked them, ‘what is the one thing would you say that has kept you together through the years?’  I wonder if their answers would have been similar.

My parents on their wedding day.

My mum’s parents on their wedding day

My dad’s parents on their wedding day

Someone once told me, ‘A good marriage is not measured by the good times, rather how you get through the bad times.’  What do you think makes for a loving and lasting marriage? I’d love to hear your comments.

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